I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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