Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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