i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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