I want you more than these girls want KFC
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize