Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
