Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
