so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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