I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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