Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize