I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
