In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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