Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
