It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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