His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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