i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
