dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my being single is dangerous.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
