wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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