I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you made out with another girl for some wings
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
