do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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