I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
