I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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