frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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