remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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