id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
