i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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