Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
