We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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