Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
there's paper in my vomit.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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