do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Floor bacon is actually really good
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
