Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
