I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
