epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
