I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
