it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
