Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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