just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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