you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
