Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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