Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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