Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
