mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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