i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
