your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
