We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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