sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize