Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
