I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
