He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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