Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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