So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
