So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
