don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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