i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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