theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
