If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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