dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
