if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
