I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
