So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
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I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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I just jacked off to nostalgia.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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