he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
this beer tastes like vomit already
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
