how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
