He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
