fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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