I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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