When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
