as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
